Welcome to day 16 post-op of my spinal fusion journey.
This journey in fact started Nov 8th 2016, which was a Tuesday, the day that Donald J Trump was announced the 45th President in the US. It was a fateful day that has lead me on a wild and bumpy ride. This entry and website is only the fruition and stubbornness of my love/hate relationship with social media and life in general. It's take a lot for me to get this started and only when I am put on bed rest and made not to do much but sit, stand and rest for at least six weeks am I only able to push the "go" button and get to writing like I had threatened for decades.
Maybe I should start asking myself a series of questions every day: Was the spinal fusion worth it? If after check-in answer is yes, proceed about your day knowing that you are on the right track and that you are going to have good days and not so good days. Either way, be okay with it and keep going. If no, then ask a series of follow-up questions: Should I have waited? What would have been the benefit to that? Would I have been okay waiting longer, living in the level pf pain for a lengthier period of time? Spinal fusion surgery so far, is worth it. Sure, I am in pain, but this is a healing pain I believe and I believe I will get through it. I just have to keep pushing through, keep getting up and showing up for myself. To not focus on the pain but the rewards and the changes happening.
Day 16 Feelings
1.) Pain
2.) Despair
3.) Frustration
4.) Tiredness
5.) Soreness
The feelings I listed kept me in a tizzy all morning long, they consumed me. I wanted to zone them out and just keep my mind occupied with TikTok's and not address what I needed to do. Like take a shower, brush my teeth, practice walking, sitting, and most importantly pray. I was in a spiral that I knew I had to break in order to keep progressing towards my goal of being able to function in society again. To help break myself of these cyclical patterns, I pray, I pray the Holy Rosary. I meditate on prayer. It helps me feel grounded and peaceful.
I ended up taking a shower a little after 1 pm and finally brushing my teeth. I got dressed and sprayed perfume on myself to help me get back into a normal routine as much as possible. Bending is impossible right now, so anything below hip level takes more effort and energy than I have throughout the day, so showering doesn't always sound appealing. I do have a scrub brush with a long handle that I use for my calves and feet. The water feels good on my skin, except my scar. My scar on my back is still healing, it's in the itchy phase and kinda burns a little when I am in the shower. I limit the water exposure to my scar and only air dry back there. I feel refreshed enough to start a journal, blog entry.
Regardless of how I got here, I am thankful that I am here. I do give all my thanks to God, as He has lead me here in His timing and I owe everything to Him. I am okay with that and can find peace in saying that. I pray that whatever life choice you are facing you too can turn to God and put your trust in whatever the answer and outcome is for your request.
Until next time, take care and God bless and keep you, always.
Rosemarie
Day 16 Post Op Spinal Fusion Journey