45 days! It's been 45 days of me searching online every single little ache, muscle cramp, spinal fusion question, post op help, and everything that came into my mind about what to expect after a spinal fusion. What I decided even after looking it all up, was that I can not rely on the internet to tell me what I have and to pull from within to help guide me. That is not to say I haven't reached out to my surgeon's office a few times with some alarming mishaps, like when I was almost asleep and I had sharp pain in my chest that woke me up, or raised itchy bumps on my stomach (like all over) that came out of nowhere. Or the million forms that you need to ensure every entity involved has the correct out of work dates and that you are covered. It's been a trippy 45 days for sure.
Mentally and physically you are full on entwined with all of it every moment of everyday after surgery. Yes, your mental state is challenged during this time of intense healing and body changes. The sheer amount of pain killers, muscle relaxers and the like have you all fogged up, and then the alone time, the pain that you still feel, the ability to make simple decisions sometimes is unbelievably hard. The explaining to friends and co-workers your situation and that you won't be healed overnight gets tiring. All of it, gets tiring. You are forced to lay in bed to rest your body, then made to get up to eat and drink, only to realize that you aren't going to properly heal if you don't do some walking or movement throughout the day. It all just becomes this cycle of days that somehow you work through.
I am so happy I decided to and had the means to channel my focus on this website, yes, as feeble and meek as it is, it is something that has saved me from the depths of despair and gave me something to look forward to. Not to mention becoming an Amazon Associate and being able to share links that could make me a small commission, made me feel alive and that I had a purpose. Believe it or not, sharing my journey, posting the links, watching TikToks all while I rested, did my daily learning to walk sesh and functions as a basic human being were all life savers.
Today I missed daily Mass, but prayed The Holy Rosary four times, so I'll chalk that up as a win. I did listen to some of today's daily readings and watch my Formed daily video as well.
Yes, resting is good, and today was a rest day. My legs and back are feeling a little wonky with some slight twinges of radiating pain. So that was a sign to me to take it easy and I am okay with that. I will have to be. Even though it lead me to more bed time and less ambition to get up and be productive, I'll take it.
May God's will always be done and may He bless and keep you always!
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